I Stopped

I stopped 7 months and 3 weeks ago and took a look...at myself. I stopped for a brief moment and saw a woman in her late twenties. I stopped and saw for a brief moment and saw a nineteen year old with no direction and no care either. I stopped and saw for a brief moment many attempts to reach that pinnacle of success and beauty, end up in vain and denial. I stopped and saw a fleeting glimpse of twenty something years of a miserably failed relationship immersed in distrust and bitterness. I stopped and saw a darting image of a woman who for the first time I let myself see as a human being struggling with her own demons, instead of placing her back on that pure pedestal, I let her stay on the floor of reality. I stopped and for one second let twenty bad years go. I stopped and for two days realized he is on my side and that he too must do battle and that we cannot be each others wars and survive. I stopped for eight months and saw, Me in the true light of what I am and what my life is. And that is, I still don't know where I stand on the other side of this mirror.

Purpose

Well, today was a humbling day and that's as far as I can take that comment. But I do hope that blogging will help alleviate some tension and worry about my current situation. I am a worry wart and Icant help it. If I could just market it ! If you need some worrying done just call me I charge by the hour. But I will say that I have learned some lessons in the past eight months of joblessness. (if that's a word) I've learned who my real friends are, what a wonderful man my boyfriend is and that my family can actually (briefly) put aside judgement and be supportive and encouraging. Its funny, I am happier now then I have been in a long time, given my situation. Happier now than when I did have a job and money and a whole boat load of materilasitc nonsense and a broken heart and spirit. But it's almost as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders along with my soul, I mean even though I still have to worry about how I'm gonna make it finacially, but still a weight has been lifted. Maybe its because I cant afford to keep up with the Jones's or be the Jones's, I can just be honest now and say to society..I dont have a job, I got laid off, I have to be fruggle and smart with my money. Not spend every waking hour working, busting my butt, for what? to race around the mall and stores with all the others like a bunch of caged "shopping lunatic rats" ( dont get me wrong I like shopping, it's good for the economyand all, just trying to exaggerate a point here.) Either way life goes on and all I can do is hang on for the ride however smooth or bumpy it may get.